Life or something like it

i was reading through all of my old posts, and the comments from those who used to have lj and still do have lj....and it brought back a lot of memories. some i wanted to relive and some that couldve stayed lost in the back of my mind some where....but its all good. what i also realized is 4 years ago i was a stupid little girl who had stupid little crushes that never amounted to anything, and now that im 4 years older i am slowly learning that guys will never change. there has been a LOT of shit thats gone on over the past couple of years....particularly(yea wrong spelling whatever) this past year that i havent posted about...at least not on here...though its been a long time since i wrote in here because i use myspace or now lostcherry.........
(((www.myspace.com/otis_kat........and www.lostcherry.com/curiouskitty84)))

Last year in aug. i bought a house...well my aunt and i bought a house, she has downsyndrom and we live together so she doesnt ahve to live in an assisted living place. so it all works out.
i have yet again attempted many different relationships with different people and they have like always failed. so right now. i say FUCK IT ALL. im concentrating on my life, work school losing weight...etc etc im letting the guys come to me from now on.
i still dont have a whole lot of friends but the ones that i do are fucking awsome. they are always there for me and mosto f them work at the coolest bar in town so i get in with out a problem and sometimes get free drinks depending on whos bartending
work is going ok. im still working for the company where i answer phones all day and help verizon wireless prepay customers with their cell phones, trying to climb up the ladder but feel like there is oil constantly being spilled down it.
i have a puppy and he is the cutest thing in the whole world. :) i love him. he is my man now.lol.

but really thats pretty much about it for now. i miss everybody who may be reading this since it has been a while give me a call or email or something...or just comment on here

2177211287 is my celly and lil_vixxin_69@yahoo.com is the email.! love you lots.

its been forever and a day since ive writen in here.....dont really go on the computer much anymore but when i do its on myspace :( but im not a trendy whore....i dont think. I HAVE BOUGHT A HOUSE yay me !! woot woot. well im making morgage payments for the next 30years but its mine. i can do what ever i wish to it. i wsih everybody who matters down in florida can cum up here and see it but i guess i will just have to get pictures put up of it.....eventually when its all COMPLETLY done and pretty. well speaking of the house i do need to go work on it so ill write more later. love to all who needs/cares

kit kat

wow. it has been a while since i last wrote. and i was pretty messed up when i wrote last so i was rambling but hey thats the point of these things right. to ramble about your life. lets see whats new in mine.


well.....first of i would like to say I GOT A TATTOO. its awsome i love it. i drew it myself and one of these days ill get it on here as my picture. its of a sun and a moon together. no color yet but i can go back and get it colored in whenever i want for free.
i STILL havent started school.im a loser.i really wish there was something here for massage therapy.
i had a boyfriend named josh. who is 24 soon to be 25. but he was/is still married and talked about her non stop for the first 3 weeks of our relationship and then went back to try to get her back but she didnt want it. she told him she was filing for a divorce so he came back to decatur and said he wanted to be with me and that he was over her and finally took his ring off. then the other night told me he was falling in "L" word with me which didnt really freak me out but when i get married i want it to be with someone who has never been before so it can be a great experience for the both of us. ha if only it were so easy. i dont know what to do. it will come to me eventually but until then i just have to walk with my eyes open.
i have friends now. YAY and the funny thing about these friends is that they (they being Amber and Aaron (a married couple)) used to be Youth Pastors and now they get drunk almost every other day and aaron smokes those special cigs. its cool. we have so much fun. listening to him and keith play drums, or play pool, or watch movies. they are pretty cool people to hang out with. and thats how i met mike. who im not sure what will become of it but he is really nice and HOT. but anyway.


MOST IMPORTANTLY IS I FELL WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY OUT OF THE LOOP. people are getting married. i dont know if others are still with their boyfriends , or girlfriends. Hurricanes are hitting people and i dont know if htey are ok. its so weird that in 9 years im going to see the people im thinking about right now and our lives are going to be so different. we probably wont even talk to each other for that long. ill be standing off to the side like always. waiting for someone to walk up to me and ask me to dance. :( imma loser baby so why dont you kill me.

im tired as all hell and i have bills i need to pay tomorrow so i am off to beddie by.


OH SHIT I FORGOT ONE THING. someone broke into my car last night but didnt take anything. the busted out the driversides passangers back window. (not the BIG window but the little triangle) and i had my cds, purse and dvds in the car and it was all there. but both doors were ajar so i think they were trying to steal my car but they couldn because someone walked out or woke up or something. it sucks. now every car door i hear i think its theym coming back. *tear* somebody come and protect me.

How Far
There's a boat, I could sail away
There's the sky, I could catch a plane
There's a train, there's the tracks
I could leave and I could choose to not come back
Oh never come back

There you are, giving up the fight
Here I am begging you to try
Talk to me, let me in
But you just put your wall back up again
Oh when's it gonna end

(Chorus:)
How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far

There's a chance I could change my mind
But I won't, not till you decide
What you want, what you need
Do you even care if I stay or leave
Oh, what's it gonna be

(Chorus)

Out of this chair, or just across the room
Halfway down the block or halfway to the moon

How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say
Yeah I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far

im just in pain and ill get over it so you really dont have to take time out of your day and read this its just journal ramble. thats what this thing is for right.

im seriously thinking of getting rid of my computer, my tv and staying inside for the rest of my life. i have come to realize that i will be that old woman in the neighborhood filled with kids and happy couples that owns 20 cats. which is cool i can except that i guess. maybe its good that i will never have kids because they would end up worse then i am and thats not good. i just dont understand how the whole relationship thing works. i mean there are girls who have fucking GREAT ass guys and they turn around and cheat on them and then there are others who dont have shit and would never dream of hurting the man they love/like a lot and they get NOTHING. and then there are those guys who pick a girl based on her looks and wonder why she cheats...or instead of getting to know the heavy set girl in the corner would rather get their bone jumped by the whore in the middle of the room....bah if only i didnt have to go to work tomorrow i could down the 3 beers i have in the fridge and do what some people do to get rid of their problems. though mine really isnt a problem its just lonelyness. i mean seriously whats the big obsession that we have with NEEDING someone in our lives. weither it be the same or opp. sex. its like life isnt complete with out having someone there to hold you when your sad. fight with you when youre angry. *sigh* im done bitching. sorry if you did read this i didnt mean to bore anybody

When You Love Me
Sometimes I feel like I never quite fit in
Like I'm always a little out of place
It's hard to be everything to everyone
There's so many roles I have to play
Sometimes I'm just barely hanging on
Seems like I'm always fighting to be strong
To find somewhere that I belong

(Chorus:)
When you love me every part of me feels
Like I'm right where I'm meant to be
When you touch me you reach through to
My soul to the truest place in me
Baby in your arms I'm free
To just be a woman

I can't believe how beautiful I feel
There is nothing here to hide
I'm unafraid and so completely real
Oh and never more alive
This life can be so hard to understand
But your eyes oh they see me as I am
And you take me as I am

(Chorus)

Baby hold me close never let me go
Never let me go

and im talking about the real whores who get paid to suck and fuck. my lonely uncle...who never hurt anybody, kept to himself, and is a really sweet guy was robbed. TWICE by the same people. these people being 3 black men who knew his schedule and knew where he kept his valubles meaning my diseced aunts jewely and his safe of money. the reason why they knew this is because my uncle chose to make friends with a couple of girls who worked in the "red light district" if you dont know what that means then you need to listen to TLC's red light special. any way. they were invited over to his house and snooped around (no my uncle is not a skinny man. he weighs over 300lbs.) and told these three men that he was a fat, disabled man that had lots of money. i hope they all die of aids. stupid cunts. STUPID FUCKING CUNTS. i dont normally use that word. but these girls deserve it and of course the cops cant find them now. so everybody wish these girls a death of aids. because thats what the low life scum deserve. i told my mom that my uncle should call one of them over and act like he didnt know it was them, while im there, and watch the stupid bitch walk out of the house with no face. HA

haha. omfg i went to this club that is about 45 mins away from my house with my friend Gary. Gary is gay. he is so sweet. and not afraid to tell you what he thinks its awsome. i love having him as a friend . but anyway. he took me to this club that he has been going to since he was 17. its called C-Street. (a gay club) and there was a drag show. I hate the fact that guys who dress up like women look better then i do when im a real woman. its not fair. they were hot though....for both genders. it was a lot of fun too. lots of lesbians too. i had a drink while i was there too. it was an ameretto stone sour i think is what it was called. GOOD SHIT. its funny how they determain who can drink and who cant. the stamp the people who can with TOP and the people who cant with BOTTOM. haha i was on bottom. just they way i like it. oh baby oh baby YEA!!
after the drag show was over they played music and everybody got on the dance floor. i was dragged on to it but as soon as i got out there it was like the music took over. ha it was so weird though because i was grinding with my friend (who like i said before is gay) but it was so much fun. and then he ended up talking to this one guy (rodger) very cute i might add. and they got to dancing and my friend was in front so his "hardon" started to show a little so he asked me to dance in front of him. so nobody could see . it was so cute. but around 2:30 it was time to go. and there was a fight outside with one of the "drag" queens and i think his boyfriends ex boyfriend or soemthing like that. it was mad drama. but fun to watch. that was i think the most fun ive had since living here. and most likely will go again. thats it for now i ment to write about it before today but i forgot...now i must go clern my pig sty and watch Ringu. hope its worth watching ......

SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT.

ok...well lets see where do i start. i have been sitting here waiting for 3 mo to have a relationship with my boyfriend. the reason being he had his ex girlfriend living with him. yea i know its odd to begin with but i figured i could look past it. well after the third month im tired of looking past it. even though she should be moved out by the "middle" of this week. im just tired of waiting. SO what i want to do is tell him (this morning when he comes over after work) that we should separate for the time being until she is completly moved out and he is ready to start his life with me in it. because yesterday morning when he came over after work. he said "i hope that shes moved out by the middle of this week so i can clean before i get my new kitten" NOT so that he and i can have time together but so that he can clean before he gets his fucking CAT. grrrr i know its a little thing but on top of everyhthing else that ive put up with. it just kinda topped the cake. not to mention the fact that when i ask him to stay over in the morning a little longer then just 30 mins or so he cant because he wants to keep the peace but he can stay at work 4 hours longer then supposed to granted its work but the only reason other then being to tired for not wanting to stay at my house was because of her .....HER BEING IS FUCKING EX GIRLFRIEND WHO CONTROLS HIS LIFE AND HAS BEEN FOR THE PAST 3 FUCKING MONTHS im tired of it. so today when he comes over im going to give him is rings back say listen i care a lot about you and i love you but i cant share you so until things are finalized i cant see you because all it does is make me sad. hopefully i wont chicken out because ive never had to break up with anybody before. damn im already starting to cry i dont know how good work is going to be tomorrow. fun shit. somebody come up here and be me at 6 am in the morning and break up with him for me...or not really break up just separate for a little. AAHHHHH why cant things like this be something easy in our life. instead of something that mindfucks us everytime we think about it. :(

AH...this morning i was kinda awake when it came time for my alarm to go off...so when it did...it scared the SHIT out of me. i havnt jumped from my alarm in like 4 years. it was weird. lets see....i have quit my cleaning job so i am no longer scrubbing nasty toilets..yay! i am going to be answering phones for companies to help their customers with problems they have. its good pay and i get to sit on my ass..what more could i ask for. im still fat...ive tried losing the weight god knows how many times and i know i dont because i have to exersize...and ya im just a lazy ass person so when it comes time to doing that i procrastinate long enough to where its to late...or i fall asleep while doing so. im stupid.STILL havnt done anything about school..which reminds me i need to call northeast today for transcrips fun fun. OH FUCK i just rememered something i had to do. now i wish i never smoked so much weed. my brain cells are gone! im still in love and he still loves me too.... :D so basically life couldnt be much better. im happy and so far i havnt gotten a black rain cloud over my head so its all good..(knock on wood)...well its fucking 5:20 in the morning im sure all of you readin this are like why the hell is this girl up so early...yea i have to be up this early to get ready for work. SUCKS but it pays the bills so i cant complain. and i need to take a shower, make my lunch i feel like im in fucking school again AAAAHHHHHH the nightmares are back. haha. i love you all and miss you more.

*katie*

well im all settled in my apartment ...yay! and for the first time in my lonesome life...IM NOT LONESOME! and the person i love...actually loves me back this time...its great. he treats me so good and isnt after my puntang. which is a BIG first. its awsome. and ive never felt so happy. i will definetly write more about him and our relationship progress. my first boyfriend guys arent you happy for me :D

ok...well i am moved into my apartment. have been for about 4 weeks now. its so great. i can stay up late late and wake up late...and then not have to worry about getting dressed. i love it. the other day my car died on me so those of you who drove in my pos mustang...its dead so say a prayer for it. i have a ford escort now which is even older then the mustang but has less miles on it so its good for now i guess.

today....i was giving a dozen peach roses by the man im talking to. and everyday things get more and more intense and closer to being for sure. i just have to wait for his baggage to get lost. its a long story if you really care....which by looking at comments from previous entries nobody really does...ill tell ya about it but i dont feel like writing it all out right now.

still working my ass off. starting to go crazy doing so. my head hurts more everyday. and i get in my irratable moods more often now. which sucks but if you dont work hard you cant survive i guess unless youre lucky and have rich parents but im not that lucky so im stuck working my ass off. oh well. thats the way the cookie crumbles i guess right. i think things will get better once i have what i really want which is andy. he would be able to make me feel better when ever it was needed.

ya so thats it for now. ill be getting my computer at my house hopefully mid week so look for me online if you want.

ttfn

Post a memory of me in the comments. It can be anything you want.
Then post this to your journal and see what people remember of you.

god i havent writen in like FOREVER. things have changed from when i first moved here to the middle of nowhere and i relized it more when i went back home(florida) for two weeks. after living in a "small" town where everything you need is right here and not spread out in different sub cities for 6mo. you get used to it. i was actually scared being in florida. im glad i got to spend time with the ones who mean the most to me which isnt many and those who i thought were close had changed to much and actually became more distance. but thats what happens when ou get someone"special" in your life i guess. i am most definetly going to miss it but i dont see myself going back to florida anytime soon.

as far as things go here...im working my two jobs(blockbuster getting a whole 18 hours a week, and cleaning offices and whatnot for those who do the business for CATapillar tracktors-30 hours a week) in lets see a week and 4 days i will be moving into my own place. extreamly excited! and scared as well. but i think it will be good for me and my family. i wont be but 5 mins away so visiting is a definet...and im not far from where i work either so thats good too. if you wanna see pictures of it let me know and ill email them to you but i need email addresses as well.
friends..well the number is low but i havent started school yet and thats pretty much where you meet people when youre young like me (which isnt that young damn im gonna be 20 this year) no more TEEN aaaahhhhh.and as for someone"special" that hasnt happend either...BUT i do have people im talking to that could possibly lead up to that..but time will only tell because thats what it needs (it=relationship) and that pretty much sums it up. i miss everybody who wasnt in florida when i went and for those of you who were (i didnt have numbers because my phone died on me) so i will try to keep up with this whole writing thing..but yet i ALWAYS say that...i just dont have that much to say really. but when i do ill make sure to let those who actually care know.

20 MORE DAYS and im home free!

IM COMING DOWN TO FLORIDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that comment deserves way more but i think that would just over do it. im so FUCKING happy right now. things as far as money and jobs and moving out will be ok. im in a screwed up relationship thing right now though so im kinda in the dumps about that...but hope fully it will str8en out soon. but who fucking cares im coming back home for 2 weeks. everybody clear their weekend of the 20th and 21st of march....and save up your money too beotches! and it is a defenet thing because i bought the ticket tonight. im coming home...i want the world to know im gonna let it show...oohoooh

its been a while since i last wrote in here this is whats going on in my world.

~*job(s)*~
im working at blockbuster now getting only 20 hours a week at 6.10 an hour..i do however have another job lined up i just have to wait for a position to open up. that pays 7.50(or more i cant remember) an hour...only thing is its janitorial work..laugh if you must but right now i dont care what i do as long as im getting money.
~*friends*~
i miss EVERYONE down in florida SOOOOO FUCKING MUCH. and i cant wait till i can come down there and visit. i have finally made a few friends. 3 people i work with and someone i met at the mall. Bobby, Tanya, and Matt i work with...and Paul is who i met at the mall. they are all pretty cool. i saw butterfly effect with the 3 i work with then went to bobbys house and watched house of the dead(DONT SEE IT IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY) its a waste of a movie BIG TIME. paul ive been to his house twice..hung out..did "stuff" planning on hanging with him tomorrow.
~*family*~
my mom is a drunk...but hey what else is new. makes me wonder though why i packed up my life and moved here just to go through what i went through as a child. i try not to care because i dont see the point if she doesnt. i dont know how long or what it will take to make her realize that not only is she fucking up her life but her childrens too. because now im not the only one affected by it, my little brother hates it just as much as i do and i hate to have to watch him go through it...so i plan on going to an Alanon thing for people dealing with drunks in their life...maybe take him with me so we can learn how to deal with it in a non negative way. dont get me wrong...i like to drink..but i like doing it for fun she on the other hand does it to get away from her "problems" but all it does is make them disapear for a few hours and bring more problems around...then the next day she doesnt remember but WE DO.
~*future plans*~
coming to florida march 15th through i think the 26th or so i dont care what i have to do if i have to sell myself for sex ill do it just as long as i can come down...its been way to long and i need to get away from this HELL HOLE. with these two jobs i plan on saving money for a new car then after that just for money so that when june or august rolls around i will have enough money saved up to last me down in florida till i find a job...yes thats right im moving back down around that time so i can start schooling for massage therapy since there is nothing here to do so. besides like i said i need to get away from my mothers drinking because it does nothing but piss me off and i cant take it anymore.
~*shawn*~
shawn is my love. my babyboy and always will be. i will wait for him forever. i love him and he loves me back(i finally found someone that feels the same way about me as i do for them) yay! i wish i could be there for him though...i wish i could take him away from all his pain and suffering and keep him safe forever. but i dont have those kinda powers. damn!* but someday we will be together and thats what i have to look forward to :)

thats pretty much about it for now. i miss you all so much and thanks for reading up on me. im sure you dont really care. hope things are good in all your worlds. and remember i am here for any of you if you need someone to talk to. email me or something. love to all!

xoxoxoxo

well as of yesterday things were going GREAT! but noooo last night i had to get every simptom of the fucking FLU...WHY WHY does he hate me.

i got a job about four weeks ago...im a blockbuster bitch! yay! go me. everybody i work with seems to be pretty cool. we had our christmas party last wednesday..i brought jelly shots (which everybody loved) we played a bunch of stupid but funny games it was cool.

my mother and i are getting along quite well.. until she gets into metopause mode...then it sucks cuz shes bitchy at me for no reason ..but i understand and still love her.

i have somebody who loves me as much as i love him.. who needs to get his ass up here like ASAP. at first it was like a friend love but now that we talk like everyday its getting stronger and as soon as we can be together we will be able to show that love. *sigh*

hopefully...(I PRAY) that i can make it down to florida in janaury. i miss everybody so much...its so hard going from hanging out with friends and shit to having to friends. but that will change soon.

i still havent signed up for college yet. im so lazy and kinda scared to take the placement tests because im sure i will have to take all the bootleg classes. cuz thats just how stupid i am. but i plan on signing up for the spring courses...so we will see i guess.

my little sister likes me now and it only took 4 months. she can hug me and kiss me, and play games and read books with me now. she can be just so cute sometimes then turn into the devil himself others. its so weird.

well i think that is about it for now. if i think of anything else ill let ya know. love to all my long lost friends.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo